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Song Parodies

These were written for the My Precious Awards, various years.



Disclaimer: Characters and place names are the property of the J.R.R. Tolkien estate and are used in this medium for uncompensated entertainment purposes only.

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Sung to the tune of the Bugs Bunny theme song (owned by Warner Bros.) *the old tv show*

Barad-dûr, Nazgûl flights
Routing Orcs and Barrow Wights,
A foul mist rises from marshes of dead
Where only a hobbit can tread.

Barad-dûr, Nazgûl flights
From Balrog depths to Orthanc's heights,
Nine fellows prove their worth
Fighting evil to save Middle Earth.



Sung to the tune of "All Star" by Smashmouth

Title: Middle Earth All Stars

The wizard once told 'em, "We must get the ring to Mordor
A shadow's creepin' over the land."
But the Council hesitated sayin' "Who is gonna take it?
We'll never get rid of this gold band."

So a Hobbit said "Sheesh, I will take the thing east.
To Mordor you say? How far is that away?
Doesn't make sense just to sit and talk
The Elves say 'go' but the Dwarfs just balk.

So much to do so much to pack,
Isn't it time we all had small snack?"
The Hobbits said, "Let us go too
We got nothin' better to do."

"Say there," shouted Strider, don't leave me here, I'll go."
"Hey now," Boromir said, "I'll go with you Frodo."
Legolas and Gimli spoke too,
And with Gandalf they had a full crew.

It's a cold walk and it soon turned colder
Up a mountain, down a mountain, and the year grew older
Through mine and to forest they traveled
All the while poor Boromir slowly came unraveled

Forced to split up, the Fellowship thinned.
Frodo and Sam are separated from their kin.
Chasing captive Hobbits, three hunters ran hard,
Trying to prevent the Orcs from reaching Isengard.

"Hey now, Theoden King, there's an army, lets fight."
"No friends, I can't risk it, in our fortress we'll hide."
The battle not the war is now won
Gandalf must confront Saruman.

The seeing stone is thrown down. Pippin looks in it with a frown,
"I see a white tree burning he said."
Gandalf said, "Yike!"
And they took flight,
Leaving Merry and the others behind.
The three hunters take the Paths of the Dead.

Sam and Frodo keep goin' and they don't stop goin'
Gollum tries to take the ring, Frodo threatens him with Sting.
They have no choice, Gollum leads the way,
He betrays them to a spider but Sam saves the day.

"So much for trust so much for hope,
And we still have to climb up that long slope."
"Don't worry Mr. Frodo we'll do.
If you can't make it I will carry you."

"Hey Dead," Aragorn said, "I'm your king now, obey."
"You there, Isildur's heir, we will do as you say."
On the Pelennor Fields they all clashed,
Sauron's mighty forces are driven back.

"Say Sam, it's too long now, I can't make it, let's rest."
"No, no, Mr. Frodo, we must finish this quest."
So up in the mountain they go
At the last the ring takes over Frodo.

Gollum takes the ring but falls into the flame.
Evil thwarted, Frodo and Sam by the Eagles are saved.
Sauron falls and the people are freed.
Aragorn is King. What more story do you need?


Title: Mordor Gras

Sung to the tune of YMCA by the Village People

Young Elf, leave your forest today.
I said young Elf, time to celebrate.
Come to Mordor where there's feasting and wine,
And all things to make you merry.

Young Dwarf, tired of working your mine?
I said young Dwarf, come to Mordor you'll find
A big party, for the party inclined.
We have ways to make you merry.

It's Mordor Gras and it's for everyone,
It's Mordor Gras and it's time to have fun.

You can do all the things that make your Ada cringe.
You can go on a miruvor binge.

It's Mordor Gras and it's for everyone.
It's Mordor Gras and it's time to have fun.

It's a chance to go wild, so leave your mountain realm,
Let your hair down and take off your helm.

Young Man, time to lay down your arms.
I said young Man, leave your city or farm.
There is peace now where there used to be war,
In the bright new land of Mordor.

Hobbit, say goodbye to the Shire.
Hey, young Hobbit, put out your cooking fire.
Make the journey, come to Mordor today.
We will start you on your buffet.

It's Mordor Gras and it's for everyone.
It's Mordor Gras and it's time to have fun.

Forget mortality, come and let yourself go
And party in Orodruin's glow.

It's Mordor Gras and it's for everyone.
It's Mordor Gras and it's time to have fun.

You can dance a fast reel, drink whole pint of mead.
You can flash the big folk for their beads.

It's Mordor Gras and it's for everyone.
It's Mordor Gras and it's time to have fun.

Come all Hobbits and Men, come all Dwarves and all Elves,
Come to Mordor, enjoy yourselves.

(fade)

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